With Apologies to the Byrds

To everything. Turn. Turn. Turn.
There is a season. Turn. Turn. Turn.
A time to every purpose under heaven.

A time to go 4-0, then lose the next ten.

A time to have lesbian sex (while your husband watches).

A time to watch the new "V" series on ABC (I'm super excited).

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.


I was singing various versions of the classic Byrds song in my head today and it got me thinking. Maybe it's time I started making line bets again. Maybe, just maybe, giving up so early on them was a bad idea.

Actually, it was a great idea. I suck at picking lines. But that damn doctor won yet another bet with me, and now I have to pay up by making picks the rest of the year. Yeah, I know. What the fuck kind of terms is that? That's about as lame as a pg-13 movie. Well, that's what the doc wanted, so that's what he gets. He must really enjoy my public displays of ineptness.

So, despite me misgivings about this, I present to you my Week 5 picks.

Cin +9 at Bal- Call me a tool, but I just don't see a blowout in this one. The ravens will win, but I think the bungles will at least keep it close. In fact, I predict that the bungles will be winning for most of the game, only to lose at the end. They won't lose by 9+ pts though. More like 3.

Car -4 against Was- The redskins are awful. And they're on the road. And their quarterback is Jason Campbell, who's almost as bad as Kyle Orton. Despite his fetish for throwing to the other team, I think Delhomme will get enough passes to Steve Smith to carry the Panthers to a td or better win. So let tit be written, so let tit be done.

Tampa Bay +15 at Phi- This is an old school Lance pick. I'm not making this pick because I think the Bucs can hang with the eagles. Hell no. I'm making this pick because I really really really need McNabb to do well for me in fantasy this week, and this is my feeble attempt to reverse jinx him. Knowing my luck, Mcnabb will take a shot to his ribs and leave the game early, and then Kolb will go into the game and lead the eagles to a 16+ pt victory. Will the football godz ever grant me mercy?

Atl +2.5 at Sf- I refuse to believe in the 49ers. Refuse!

Ne -3.5 at Den- Do I even need to explain this one? Its Tom Brady vs Kyle "I think I left the stove on" Orton. The donks defense is highly overrated and will be exposed this week. Plus, Orton is due for an interception or five. It's a lock.

Ind -4.5 at Ten- I'm riding the colts train until it derails.

Oak +15.5 against NyG- Wow. How bad are the raiders? They're playing at home against a team that will most likely sit their starting qb, and yet they're still more than a two touchdown underdog. Now that's bad. For reasons though I can not explain, I think this one will be close. My gut says this is a fg game. Giants win by 9, maybe 10. Not by 16.