Vegas' Revenge

Everyone's favorite Dr. Evil Chris must be laughing it up right now. He's probably lounging at some Indonesian beach resort with a couple of topless beach babes and sipping on Balinese rice wine, all while enjoying a good laugh at his cruel joke in having me pick the lines again.

I'm glad he's stuck in paradise, drinking coconut milk off the tits of sun-soaked hotties while he searches in vain to find a WiFi hotspot that doesn't exist. If he was back in Japan, or anywhere with Internet and phone service for that matter, we'd probably have a bet going for this week's donks/bolts match up, which would inevitably end with me having to write the Mace of Dominion. Chris will not rest until I have completely exposed my full range of ineptness to the world.

I was 3-4 in my mighty return, putting me at 9-16 for the year. I realize now this is more than just a slump. This is a curse. I'm trapped in a horror movie called, "Vegas' Revenge", a low budget B movie staring Vincent Price, Pam Grier, and myself. It's about a sports betting tool who after several successful trips to Las Vegas has discovered that the gambling gods are onto him and have decided his luck has run out. Already, the cruel and heartless gambling gods have slain my fantasy football teams, hunting them down one by one and leaving them in a pool of blood and guts. Now all that's left is the final showdown in Vegas where the gambling gods will chase me through the sportsbooks with knives and chainsaws, and then finally bleed me dry. I just hope there's a couple of tit shots in the movie to make it worth renting some time.

Here are this week's picks, because I'm obligated to post them.

Bal +3 at Minn- Favre is due for a bad game, and I just don't believe that the NFC is as good as the AFC. But what the fuck do I know?

Clv +14 at Pit- Taking pts on the high lines is going to be the death of me. Even lines this steep can be covered. Just look at the giants and eagles kicking ass last week. Throwing down a Benjamin on a super long shot in Vegas doesn't seem like such a good idea any more. Maybe I should drop it down a few tiers to a slight underdog. Nah. What fun is that? I'll roll like I always do. Parley bets and money lines, baby! And this time, I go for broke on a sucker bet. We haven't seen the week of big upsets yet. Hopefully it'll come on November 1st.

KC +6.5 at Was- Fuck if I know.

NyG +3 at NO- I like the giants D better than I do the Saints. That's the only reason I'm taking the points here.

Sea -3 over Ari- Seattle is a tough place to play, and Arizona is all over the place. One week they're good, the next week they suck. Well, this week they suck.

Atl -3 over Chi- I just don't trust Cutler on the road. Plus, Forte isn't the back he was last year (as my records in fantasy football clearly show). Throw in Turner starting to find his groove and you got yourself a Falcon's win.

Sd -4 Over Den- It's a lock! You can bet your kidneys on it.