Line Results/The Despair of Fantasy Football

I was talking on the phone with everyone's favorite Dr. Chris L. last night during the Bears/Packers game when he kindly asked me how I was doing. The Broncos, miraculously, had won their game against the Bengals, I was loaded on beer, and I was winning by quite a large margin in my CBS fantasy football league (the league I care about the most), so I was doing pretty well. Barring some kind of crazy ending to the packers game, I told him, I would win easy in my CBS league. There would be much rejoicing.

Unfortunately, something crazy happened. My opponent had the lethal combo of Aaron Rogers and Greg Jennings, a combo that until the last few minutes of the game had done very little to help his cause. Suddenly, and with no provocation on my part (I assure you), Mr. Rogers goes and throws a Td pass to Jennings. Ouch. And if that wasn't bad enough, the two hooked up yet again for the 2 pt conversion. Adding all the yardage to these two measly plays and my opponent suddenly jumped 19 pts to be within 5. You would think I would know better than to declare victory before it's official, but nope.

Then, with one player left in his line-up playing on Monday night (McFadden), my opponent scored the six points he needed to leave me in misery. The final score was 73-72, with me on the losing end.

Now, I realize that most of you out there reading this could care fucking less about the inconsequential game of fantasy football, and that listening to me bitch about my various misfortunes is the last thing you want do. But, I need an outlet. I need a way to spew the hatred and contempt that fills me on Sundays when the football gods decide to take a crap on my hopes and aspirations. This blog will be that outlet.

My heart is black with despair. Of the four leagues I'm playing in, I won one game. I went 1-3 this weekend. The only win came in my Steak or Death league, the league in which I root for everyone else. How sad is that? It's really sad. It's somewhere between your dog ran away sad and no one is interested in having sex with you sad. It's growing up in a third world nation sad.

Please, don't try to console me. The pain goes too deep. These wounds can not be healed.

Do you know what the worst part is? I have two players on my bench in my CBS league who would have given me the win if I'd only decided to start them. Chad Ochocinco scored 8 pts and Fred Jackson scored 19. Again, I lost by 1.

Why, football gods? Why?

Speaking of bad calls, I went .500 in my first round of guessing the bet lines. Had I actual money riding on the bets, I would have broken even. Oh well. You can't win them all, and breaking even isn't losing.

Unfortunately, it looks like I won't be drinking any alcohol for the majority of October. The donks, inexplicably, won their game against the Bengals, resulting in me losing the bet I made with myself. Damn me! Damn me for being such a fool.

1-3 in fantasy. 3-3 in betting the lines. A very tough start to the season. Beware, my friends. My bitching has only just begun.