Sorry, But You Can No Longer Be My Friend

According to a recent yahoo article (OK, yes, I get all my news from yahoo), half of all friends are replaced every seven years. Wait. What? Some person from wherever conducted a poll that showed that every seven years that pass you lose, on average, half of your closest friends and replace them with new ones. Here's the article if you want to read it.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/halfofallfriendsreplacedevery7years


Reading this article has inspired me to be proactive in choosing which friends I'll drop over the next seven years, and who I should add to replace them. Why let fate decide?


Friends to be dropped- If you're on this list, I'm sorry. It's been real. It's been fun. But I think you'll agree it's time we moved on.


1) Dick Cheney- I never really jumped on the George-Bush-hating bandwagon that everyone else on the planet seemed to be on, but I always loved the conspiracy theory that Cheney was really the one in charge and that George did whatever Dick told him to do. And that Dick was the ultimate evildoer of all the universe, and that some day in the not so distant future he would coerce a young Anakin Skywalker into destroying the Jedi. Personally I think we should keep this concept going with all vice presidents. Did you know that Joe Biden eats unborn children? Seriously, I've seen it. He just sticks a straw into the nearest pregnant woman's uterus and starts drinking. Not only that, but in the not so distant future, he's going to order Ellen Ripley and her unsuspecting crew mates of the Nostromo to descend onto an unknown planetoid to investigate an alien transmission, thus resulting in the infestation of the ship by an alien who kills almost all the crew. Evil bastard.


Sorry Dick, but there's a new villain in town, and I only have room for one nefarious vice president in my life.



Jay Cutler- This one hurts, but there's nothing that can be done about it. Cutler is now a Bear. A dumpster diving, someone-help-me-we're-running-out-of-icebergs, only-you-can-prevent-forest-fires Bear. By rule, Cutler is now my enemy. He is a traitor. And when he eventually wins the Super Bowl, and he slips on that monstrous Super Bowl ring, I hope it cuts off the circulation to his finger and his digit falls asleep. Take that, turncoat!





Dave Logan- What an awful year for Dave Logan. First 1st Bank drops him as our spokesman, and now I'm moving on. Sorry Dave, but if you're not good enough for 1st Bank, you're not good enough for me. That's pretty much the motto I live by.





Aries- He hisses at all my friends, he screams incessantly the second his food dish is empty, and he sheds all over my fucking pillow. Plus, he's not nearly as cool as Athena.

Friends to be Added- Now that I've cleared some space, it's time to add some new friends. Let's see...

Airplanes- It used to be I was afraid of flying. Not any more. It's just not conducive to my life style. In August I'll be flying to Vancouver. In October I'll be headed to Vegas. A year from now I'll hop over the Pacific on my way to Japan. Lots and lots of flying. The whole fear thing just doesn't fly any more. In fact, you can say it's crashed. Ha. Oh yes, I'm all about flying now. I'm just a million or two away from jumping on the next Russian space rocket.

30 Second Blogs- 30 seconds is about as long as I can stay interested in blogging. Somewhere around the 31st second I start to realize how dull my blogs are, and how painful they must be for my friends to read. That reminds me, sorry for this lame blog.