With only a day left until the Super Bowl, I'm frothing at the mouth to put money on the big game. It's killing me not to bet on the Super Bowl. A Super Bowl without gambling would be like Christmas without presents. It would be like some hot chick asking you if you want a blow job and saying, "No thanks." It's wrong. It's wrong in every possible way.
And yet, another Super Bowl is going to pass where I won't have any action on it.
When I'm finally named king, the first thing I'm going to do is make sports betting legal. Not only that, but I'll make it a tax write-off.
The line is colts by 4.5. Gimme! Gimme! The colts will win by a TD easily. They'll probably win by two. Put me down for $500!
The worst part about missing out on betting the Super Bowl are all the cool prop bets that could be had. Here are a few I would take...
First Scoring Play of the Game- A NO FG. $10 pays $45
Winning Margin- Colts by 11-15 pts. $10 pays $70
Player to Score the First TD- Pierre Garcon, IND WR. $10 pays- $100
Total TD Passes by Payton Manning- 4. $20 pays $100
Fuck it. I'm tired of missing out on sports betting. Next year, I'll open an account, no matter what it takes. Or I'll get a bookie. Whatever! Whatever! I do what I want!
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Almost snortled my coffee... a tax write-off! Now that is a good idea.
ReplyDeleteReading this after the superbowl, I'm kind of glad you didn't have money on it. You'd be $500 in the hole! But I feel your pain. Poor Lancey.
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