Random Thoughts/Lines (11-14-09)

I was reading the newspaper the other day when I stumbled across an article about some new, quite alarming types of computer viruses that are floating around the net. These new types of viruses were created by pedophiles so they could store child porn on someone else's computer. Once a computer is infected, it begins doing searches for child porn, then downloads the pics it finds and stores them in secret files. The pedophiles then hack into the infected computers whenever they want to look at the porn, allowing them to keep their own computers free of the material. The worst part of all is that some of the people with infected computers, people who aren't pedophiles and who don't even know that the porn is on their computer, have been charged by the police for child abuse crimes after the porn is discovered. According to the article, it is very difficult and costly for victims of these viruses to prove their innocence, as the viruses are often difficult to find. As well, pedophiles often use the "it's not mine" excuse when caught, so authorities are highly skeptical when anyone suggests that the material found on their computer isn't theirs.

Horrified and a bit paranoid after reading the article, I raced home that day and did a quick search of my computer. The good news is that I didn't find any child porn. The bad news though is that I discovered a similar styled virus has infected my computer. Instead of downloading child porn though, this virus downloads unpublishable fantasy novels and poorly written short stories to my computer. Not only that, but apparently this novel has been submitted several times in my name to various publishing companies. I'm so embarrassed. The novel, called "The Dagger of Lokin" is 944 pages of the most unoriginal, poorly conceived crap I have ever read, and there are people out there who think that I wrote it.

What kind of person would do that to someone? It's just not right.

-- There's a show on Showtime that Steph is a big fan of called "Nurse Jackie" about a nurse juggling the difficulties of her job, an affair she's having with a coworker, and her addiction to pain meds. It's not as exciting as it sounds. Anyway, one of the characters on the show, a Dr. Fitch Cooper, suffers from a unique form of Tourettes. Basically, whenever he's nervous, he reaches out and gropes the nearest tits and ass he can find. When I first saw the show, I was outraged. As someone who suffers from this same exact form of Tourettes, I felt ridiculed and offended. How dare Showtime mock my disorder? Now though I realize how important it is that the general public learns of this terrible affliction, and I'm glad that the show is doing its part to help end the inexcusable amount of ignorance there is about this disease. Thanks to Nurse Jackie, I have finally found the courage to stop taking my prescribed medicines, and to just be myself. Thank you, Showtime. Thank you.

-- The irony is so rich and creamy, you can't help but ask for seconds. The 6-2 Broncos, who should really be 2-6 at this point, have been revealed as frauds. The team we all thought they would be at the beginning of the season has finally emerged, just in time to let the San Diego Chargers make yet another comeback to win the west. It's like clockwork. The donks start off hot, then choke the season away. The bolts start off cold, everyone writes them off, and then they bitchslap the donks into submission. Such is the joy of being a donks fan. The only question now is, can the donks slip into the playoffs as a wildcard? Well, tomorrow's game will tell us. Let's do some lines!

-- Was +4 Vs Den- It's a classic trap game. Classic! The 6-2 donks are clearly the better team. The 2-6 Redskins are faltering. They're a joke. The skins don't have a chance, right? Then why did Vegas set the line at -4? Why hasn't the line jumped to -7 or -8? Vegas knows, as do the gamblers. They know the donks are playing at 11 am on the east coast. They know the blueprint for beating the donks has been layed out. They know that Kyle Orton sucks balls. Plus, the donks are looking past the skins to the bolts game next week (a bolts team that is going to win by the way). This isn't me just naysaying, people! The signs are all there! Trap game. The donks will lose their third in a row. Then next week, they lose their fourth. Rich and creamy irony.

-- Oak -2 Vs Kc- I can't explain why, but I have a feeling about this one. It's all gut.

-- Sd -1 Vs Phi- Damn this is a sweet game. It sucks they play in the morning. My punk ass will be watching the redskins upset the donks. But this will be my plan B. So why am I taking the bolts? Simple. The donks need the eagles to win, which means it won't happen. Plus, I need McNabb to throw up 10 billion pts for fantasy, which means it won't happen. The football gods hate me, see.

-- New England +3 at Ind- The colts haven't played a real team yet. The Pats are off the radar. And fuck if I know.

-- NO -14 at Stl- This line couldn't be high enough.

-- Min -16.5 Vs Det- This line couldn't be high enough.

That's it.