A Glimpse Into deVoid of My Mind...

Random Thoughts-

- As you may have noticed, my blog finally has a name. deVoid was the winner (though I had to write it as DE VOID since the settings page insists on capitalizing every letter in the title). It's a fitting title I think, considering how lame this blog is. It is deVoid of anything entertaining, which is why you're deVoid of interest. Yes, very fitting.

- Every time I hear the word "plethora" (which is usually when I stumble upon "The Three Amigos" on cable), I can't help but think that the word should mean something completely different than what it does. To me, plethora sounds like it should be part of the female anatomy. Like instead of the G spot, a woman's elusive pleasure point should be called the plethora. Or maybe plethora should replace labia. I don't know. But if a woman ever offers to show you her plethora, you damn well better say yes.

- I would never dream of telling the greatest football coach who has ever lived how to do his job. Far from it. But if I may humbly make a suggestion to Josh McDaniels, I think I have the answer as to who he should start at QB next year. It isn't Orton. It isn't Simms. It's both of them. Now before you start shouting about what a colossal failure multi-quarterback systems have been in the past, let me point out the opportunity the Broncos have here. This wouldn't be your usual multi-quarterback rotation. Oh no, not here in Denver. In Denver, we have something unique. Something the NFL has never seen before.
Here's what I propose- No matter where the Broncos are on the field, no matter what down it is, all McDaniels has to do is ask himself, does this situation require a spleen? If the answer is yes, you put in Kyle Orton. If the answer is no, well then I say get Chris Simms in there as fast as you fucking can. For instance, it seems to me that if the play called for a QB roll out, Orton would be better suited for the play because his body wouldn't be infested with all those redundant blood cells that Simms would have. But what if the play calls for a QB draw? In this instance, having redundant blood cells would help anchor Simms, thus giving him sturdier feet and making him harder to tackle.
All the Broncos have to do is spleen or no spleen their way down the field. It would be a touchdown bonanza. Super Bowl here we come.

- Usually when I blurt out random ideas that pop into my head, the best response I can hope for are a few rolled eyes and a declaration that I fuck off. It's rare that anyone likes one of my ideas, let alone that they'd want to do it. That's why I was shocked (shocked!) when Steph and Tad agreed to hold the first ever Iron Chef Carlton next Sunday! How cool is that? Here's how it will work- each of them will prepare a main dish for our family night dinner. The dish can be whatever they want, so long as it includes the "secret" ingredient that the judges (Zach, my mother, and I) picked. After the dinner is finished, the three judges will score the participants on originality, taste, and presentation (up to ten points per category). The cook with the higher score wins. Really though, I'm the one who'll win. Ha! I can't wait. Oh, for those of you who are curious as to the secret ingredient... tis goat cheese. I wanted it to be Alfredo, but Tad told me to fuck off.

- I think the US government hates me. I'm not exactly sure what I did to piss them off, but they clearly don't like me. Why else would they decide to make a second series of state quarters? Are you fucking kidding me? Apparently one quarter for every state and territory just isn't enough. Nope. It was so much fun the first time they decided to do it again. In the wise words of Tyler Durden, paint the walls with my brains.

- Starting tomorrow I am committing myself to a strict writing schedule. From now on I will write every day for at least half an hour. Poor you. Expect a new short story to be posted soon.