Sorry, But You Can No Longer Be My Friend

According to a recent yahoo article (OK, yes, I get all my news from yahoo), half of all friends are replaced every seven years. Wait. What? Some person from wherever conducted a poll that showed that every seven years that pass you lose, on average, half of your closest friends and replace them with new ones. Here's the article if you want to read it.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/halfofallfriendsreplacedevery7years


Reading this article has inspired me to be proactive in choosing which friends I'll drop over the next seven years, and who I should add to replace them. Why let fate decide?


Friends to be dropped- If you're on this list, I'm sorry. It's been real. It's been fun. But I think you'll agree it's time we moved on.


1) Dick Cheney- I never really jumped on the George-Bush-hating bandwagon that everyone else on the planet seemed to be on, but I always loved the conspiracy theory that Cheney was really the one in charge and that George did whatever Dick told him to do. And that Dick was the ultimate evildoer of all the universe, and that some day in the not so distant future he would coerce a young Anakin Skywalker into destroying the Jedi. Personally I think we should keep this concept going with all vice presidents. Did you know that Joe Biden eats unborn children? Seriously, I've seen it. He just sticks a straw into the nearest pregnant woman's uterus and starts drinking. Not only that, but in the not so distant future, he's going to order Ellen Ripley and her unsuspecting crew mates of the Nostromo to descend onto an unknown planetoid to investigate an alien transmission, thus resulting in the infestation of the ship by an alien who kills almost all the crew. Evil bastard.


Sorry Dick, but there's a new villain in town, and I only have room for one nefarious vice president in my life.



Jay Cutler- This one hurts, but there's nothing that can be done about it. Cutler is now a Bear. A dumpster diving, someone-help-me-we're-running-out-of-icebergs, only-you-can-prevent-forest-fires Bear. By rule, Cutler is now my enemy. He is a traitor. And when he eventually wins the Super Bowl, and he slips on that monstrous Super Bowl ring, I hope it cuts off the circulation to his finger and his digit falls asleep. Take that, turncoat!





Dave Logan- What an awful year for Dave Logan. First 1st Bank drops him as our spokesman, and now I'm moving on. Sorry Dave, but if you're not good enough for 1st Bank, you're not good enough for me. That's pretty much the motto I live by.





Aries- He hisses at all my friends, he screams incessantly the second his food dish is empty, and he sheds all over my fucking pillow. Plus, he's not nearly as cool as Athena.

Friends to be Added- Now that I've cleared some space, it's time to add some new friends. Let's see...

Airplanes- It used to be I was afraid of flying. Not any more. It's just not conducive to my life style. In August I'll be flying to Vancouver. In October I'll be headed to Vegas. A year from now I'll hop over the Pacific on my way to Japan. Lots and lots of flying. The whole fear thing just doesn't fly any more. In fact, you can say it's crashed. Ha. Oh yes, I'm all about flying now. I'm just a million or two away from jumping on the next Russian space rocket.

30 Second Blogs- 30 seconds is about as long as I can stay interested in blogging. Somewhere around the 31st second I start to realize how dull my blogs are, and how painful they must be for my friends to read. That reminds me, sorry for this lame blog.

10 Second Blog

Being a big fan of irony, I couldn't help but laugh at this yahoo article about the fear of flying that posted shortly after my last blog. Great timing.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090602/sc_livescience/whatsbehindthefearofflying

I especially like the part where the odds of dying in a plane crash are mentioned. Liars!

The 30 Second Blog (6-2-09)

For those of you who don't take note every time a death tube falls out of the sky, another death tube has fallen out of the sky. An Air France passenger jet crashed into the Atlantic Ocean on Tuesday, most likely killing all 228 people on board (assuming none of them are hanging out with Tom Hanks and a volleyball on some, random island).

So here's what I'm wondering: how long can we keep calling it the safest form of travel if planes keep nose diving into the earth every other week? OK sure, more people die from Segway scooter accidents every year than they do from aviation "incidents", but come on. I mean, Come On. Doesn't it seem like the odds of dying in a plane crash have increased dramatically over the last few years (don't answer that, Daniel. I don't need you confusing things with statics and facts here).

Well, I've well exceeded my 30 second maximum for this blog, so I should wrap this up. I'll leave you with a few lines from the yahoo article I just read about the crash.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/brazil_plane

In it, Jean-Louis Borloo, the French minister overseeing transportation said that the Airbus A330 is "one of the most reliable planes in the world.... There really had to be a succession of extraordinary events to be able to explain this situation."

Right.

The 30 Second Blog (6-1-09)

I should probably mention that the 30 Second Blog won't be an every day event. I do hope to post them often, but no promises on how frequently it'll happen. Anyway, while I'm here....


T-man and I are at it again. Currently we have two bets on the upcoming baseball and football seasons. Everyone's favorite Dr. Chris L. predicts that the Padres will have a worse season than the Rocks, which I couldn't disagree with more. The rocks are clearly the inferior team. The other bet focuses on the upcoming Broncos season. I have the donks winning less than six games this season, while T-man believes their good for at least seven. Silly Topher. Has anyone told him that Kyle Orton is our quarterback?

We haven't set the terms yet for the donks bet. For the pads/rocks, the loser buys dinner the next time T-man is in Denver (which rumor has it will be one year from now).

Time's up. Maybe I should change it to the two minute blog.

The 30 Second Blog

In an attempt to blog more often, I've decided to introduce The 30 Second Blog- an ongoing series where I will jump on blogger.com and post random thoughts in- you guessed it- 30 seconds or less. Aside from spell check, I will not edit these posts what so ever. Don't worry, these won't be the only blogs I post. You'll still get to read the more lengthy, tediously boring shit I usually post every once in a while. This is to keep the writing juices flowing.

Alright, here it goes. My first 30 Second blog.

My brother and I hit up a Rockies game last night. Twas very cool. Besides getting to see the rox beat the pads on a walk-off double, we also enjoyed all the eye candy on display (damn there was lots of T&A), as well as the bountiful food offered at the stadium. In a matter of three hours, I polished off a cheeseburger, two hot dogs, a Parmesan stick, and five beers. Overall, it was a great evening of hedonism and an excellent sporting event.

I highly recommend to everyone to catch a rox game this season. There's plenty of seats available (since the Rockies suck), and it's at least an interesting night out.

-LLL

Control/Alt/Panic

In the midst of enjoying the Denver Nuggets beat down of the Lakers last night, Stephanie alerted me that our computer was under attack by some kind of vicious virus and that I should fore go watching the game and address the issue immediately.

Upon reaching the computer, I discovered several new icons had added themselves to my computer screen (and along the bar at the bottom of the screen). In a matter of seconds, a new "anti-virus" program had downloaded to my computer and was now informing me that my computer was infected and needed to be fixed. Yeah, no kidding.

No matter what I tried to do, I couldn't escape this new "anti-virus" program's pop ups. They kept piling on top of whatever program I tried to open, including the anti-virus software I actually have.

Being that I know nothing about computers (and given my heightened anxiety), I gave my friend Daniel a call. For those of you who don't know, Daniel is a computer god, and a merciful computer god at that. So I called him up and asked for his blessings. He gave me a list of options of what I could try and I went to work.

In the end, restoring my computer to an earlier date, combined with a few sweeps of my real anti-virus program allowed me to remove the infestation of the unwanted anti-virus plague (or whatever the fuck it really was).

Currently, all seems well, but I'm skeptical. Computers are out to get me, even if it's the last thing they do. It wouldn't surprise me if the virus is just hiding in wait, biding it's time to strike.

One good thing did come out of all of this though. I finally got off my lazy ass and bought an external hard drive. The Dagger of Lokin and and my music library are now safely stored elsewhere in case the Apocalypse comes for my desktop. At least I think they are.

I hate computers.

How Guilty Should I Feel?

About a month ago, a coworker of mine approached me and asked if I'd trade days off with her. She wanted to take my Tuesday off (May 26Th) and I would take her Wednesday off (May 27Th). I didn't really want to do this, since with the Memorial day weekend, I would have four days off in a row (Saturday-Tuesday). As well, this was to be the weekend that Steph and I would celebrate our 9Th wedding anniversary, and even though we hadn't yet made specific plans, we had planned to do something.

The reason my coworker wanted to trade though won me over, as she was hoping to fly out to visit her boyfriend in Arizona that weekend. By trading days, she'd be able to spend more time with him (coming back on Tuesday instead of Monday). Now normally, all she'd have to do to take the day off is to use PTO (her paid time off), however she doesn't have any PTO left. She has called in sick so many times already this year that she's run out of PTO, so swapping with me was her only option.

Are you with me so far? OK.

About two weeks ago, she informed me that her and her boyfriend broke up, and that she wouldn't be going to Arizona. Therefore, I took my day off back so that I would once again have the longer weekend, and so that Steph and I could have the option to take a trip for our anniversary if we wanted. All was well.

Then, suddenly, just two days ago, she came to me yet again and informed me that her and her boyfriend were back together. Not only that, but he had already bought her airline tickets for her to visit him that weekend (as they'd planned before). Her return flight would be late Tuesday, meaning she'd have to have the day off.

By this time though, Steph and I were set on wanting to spend the four days together, so I told her I would not trade with her again (despite all her pleas). As a result, she had to buy a one-way ticket from Arizona to Denver for Monday (a ticket that was more expensive because of Memorial day), and half of the tickets that her boyfriend had bought would now be useless. So basically, as a result of my decision, they are both out a lot of money, and they won't be able to spend as much time with each other as they'd hoped.

So here's my question:

How guilty should I feel if she dies in a plane crash on her return flight to Denver?